I realize this might be a shock to hear. You grew up in or after the Think Of The Children™ and It Takes A Village™ era. It’s possible your mommies and daddies took you everywhere — bars, tattoo parlors, $100-a-plate restaurants, cocktail parties — without regard to how well you behaved. You concluded, therefore, you were welcome everywhere, and that all adults, everywhere, must cater to your presence or they’re just a bunch of big ol’ meanieheads.
Free clue: You are not, in fact, welcome everywhere. Nor is every single place, whether in meatspace or on the internet, obliged to think of you and your needs before anyone else’s.
Because adults have our needs, too. And, yes, writing stuff that gets us off or otherwise tickles our fancy is a need for some of us.
Here’s another free clue: Every single adult you encounter is, likewise, not obliged to but your needs first and foremost. Including… women. Strangers on the internet who happen to be women are not your mommies, not your aunties, not your big sisters, not your therapists. They did not sign up for the job of protecting and coddling your precious little asses. Not even the ones who have children themselves. The only ones they’re obliged to look out for are their kids.
I’m not one of those women. I never wanted children, I don’t care that much for children, and I feel absolutely no responsibility to mother them myself. If a minor whines at me for not making them my highest priority, I block them with extreme prejudice.
I can hear you gasping in shock right now. But the idea that women are obliged to nurture everyone out there is a really, really regressive idea. Oh, I can see how it gained currency on a site where the “social justice” crowd thinks that nail polish is feminist, Hades was Mr. Right and Demeter was an abusive mother, and if you’re a not-very-feminine woman you can’t be a cis woman. It’s bullshit, peddled by dipshits who don’t want to examine their underlying beliefs but who want cookies for being all moral and upright.
Now, getting back to spaces. You are not categorically unwelcome on fanart and fanfic websites. Many of them are considered perfectly safe in their entirety for your delicate little psyches. Others are a mix. If you go, for example, to AO3, and you see a fic rated G (general audiences) or T (teen)? You can read it.
If, however, you see a fic that is rated M for mature or E for explicit… or it has all those terrible tags like “Rape,” “Noncon,” “Dubcon,” or whatever else sends you into a shaking ’n’ crying fit? You have two choices:
1. Don’t click through.
2. Click through and pretend you’re an adult. Which means:
a. Don’t tell the author or the other commenters your age.
b. If you liked the story at all, feel free to give feedback about it.
c. If you didn’t like the story and it upset you, take responsibility for having clicked through, then go do some self-care.
Note that none of the above options include “Click through, get offended, whine at the author for having written something that upsets you, and maybe get a posse of your fellow antis together to hound the author off the internet.”
Those tags? Those were all the author owed their audience. Those tags give you the information you need not to click through if you don’t want to be offended, triggered, or disturbed by the fic. You do not have the right to insist that the fic not exist in a public forum.
As for “protecting young women and girls” blah de fucking blah: again, you are not going after abusers. And there’s another very regressive meme: that by policing the shit out of women’s self-expression, you can “protect” them. Nope. You protect them from abusers by targeting the abusers. And writing something “problematic” isn’t abuse. Because fiction isn’t reality and depiction isn’t endorsement.
Tag: fandom
You ever feel like making a fandom shitpost or a random discussion and then figure, nah, just fic it, this is fic material right here.
This, child, is why I fangirl
You think I’m too old to fangirl? You think I should be cleaning my house and doing my taxes or some other Adult thing?
Want to know why I fangirl – at my age?
My boss shit on me today. She totally dismissed a project I’ve been working on for weeks. She decided to pull funding for it and give it to someone who is younger and has ‘fresher ideas.’ So I come home from work and write fic, to prove to myself that I’m still creative.
My husband/wife flirted with that young waitress while we were out to dinner. You know the waitress, the one with sun-blonde highlights and lifeguard tan? So I came home and drew my OTP as young men/women in a tender embrace, and remembered what it was like to be young and in love.
The hipster dude at the grocery store called me ‘ma’am’. Not miss, ma’am. What’s next – granny? So I came home and embroidered a picture of my OTP;s living room with a fire in the fireplace and their chairs facing each other and felt warm inside.
I did my taxes today. When my friends are getting big refunds – I owe the IRS a couple thousands dollars. So I opened my favorite fic, the one I’ve read at least a dozen times, and spent a few hours wrapped in the warmth of my OTP falling in love. Again.
The dog shit on the living room rug. The cat puked in the hall and I stepped on it in stocking feet. My son hit a baseball against the dining room window and broke two panes. My car’s making a strange knocking noise. I think I wrote a check for ten dollars more than I have in my account. The doorbell gets stuck on every time someone comes to the door. You have to hold down the handle for 15 seconds every time you flush the toilet. The dryer vent is clogged. And I ran out of thread five inches from being done with the fucking Halloween costume I’m making for my ungrateful kid. So I open AO3 to see if my favorite fic author has posted a new chapter – and am able to forget it all for an hour when reading the new update.
So, child, you wonder why I fangirl at my age? Precisely because Adulting is hard. I need it, maybe even more than you do.
This seriously made me cry.
This is one of the reasons why I keep posting my art, my stories, my thoughts out there… If my work can make a positive change to someone, as well as mend my own broken pieces, then damn it, it’s worth committing hours/days/weeks/months on it.
I keep fandoming because a bunch of punkass, snotnosed, ignorant, underschooled, egotistical, whiny little brats who haven’t even figured out how to wipe the shit off their own asses yet have got no business pretending they know the best way for me to be an adult.
I’m going to be frank, there is NO amount of Laguna/Squall fanfic that will EVER disturb me as much as that fic where Heero and Duo used a jar of strawberry jam as lube.
One of those little anti creepers from last night actually followed me. The only reason they would be doing that is to try and ‘catch you redhanded’ to justify harassment. So of course I insta-blocked, and screencapped.
Seriously, screencap EVERYTHING, in full context, because they already do, and present their caps most selectively.
You Can Join At 13!
Today is Internet Safety Day, go here to get tips on how to stay safe on the internet.
This is post about internet safety, and whether a given website or content is age appropriate, with a focus on U.S. laws.
In the U.S. The Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act protects children’s privacy online. This act applies to websites under U.S. jurisdiction. That means:
websites which are hosted on servers in the U.S.;
websites with owners headquartered in U.S. territory; or
commercial websites available in U.S. market.Children can join certain websites with parental consent. Which is why websites geared towards children say “ask your parents” and require a parent or guardian to sign up. However, many websites – particularly social media sites — disallow underage children from using their services altogether due to the cost and work involved in complying with the law.
It’s a lot of work to make sure a website is safe for children and protect their privacy. Websites must:
Post a clear and comprehensive online privacy policy describing their information practices for personal information collected online from persons under age 13;
Make reasonable efforts (taking into account available technology) to provide direct notice to parents of the operator’s practices with regard to the collection, use, or disclosure of personal information from persons under 13, including notice of any material change to such practices to which the parents has previously consented;
Obtain verifiable parental consent, with limited exceptions, prior to any collection, use, and/or disclosure of personal information from persons under age 13;
Provide a reasonable means for a parent to review the personal information collected from their child and to refuse to permit its further use or maintenance;
Establish and maintain reasonable procedures to protect the confidentiality, security, and integrity of the personal information collected from children under age 13, including by taking reasonable steps to disclose/release such personal information only to parties capable of maintaining its confidentiality and security; andRetain personal information collected online from a child for only as long as is necessary to fulfill the purpose for which it was collected and delete the information using reasonable measures to protect against its unauthorized access or use.
Operators are prohibited from conditioning a child’s participation in an online activity on the child providing more information than is reasonably necessary to participate in that activity
You may have noticed that these rules say “under age 13”.
COPPA only protects children under age 13. After you turn 13, you’re treated the same as an adult in terms of what websites you’re allowed to go on and what information you’re allowed to give out online with only one exception (websites that only provide things you can’t legally buy yet).
Just as you’re allowed to legally drive at 16 in most US States and can drive anywhere the same as an adult, at 13 you’re legally allowed to go almost anywhere online.
The “almost” is for adult’s only spaces. At 16 you can drive wherever the road goes, but you drive to an “Adult Shop” you will be IDed and not be allowed in, and you won’t be able to go into a bar until you’re 21.
It’s the same online. There are some websites that are strictly adult content. Websites that only have 18 or older content display warnings and say you must be 18. Websites that sell alcohol say you must be 21.
What about websites with mixed content? Well that’s more like a bookstore or a movie theater. If you’re under 18 you can’t go into an “adult bookstore” that only sells pornographic books and magazines but you can go into a normal bookstore that also sells adult materials (for example Barnes and Nobles keeps the porn magazines behind the counter, and shrink wraps 18+ manga which has warnings on the back). You can’t go into a video store that only sells porn, but you can go into a movie theater that’s playing an R or NC17 movie or a rental store that has an adult section (yes there are some video stores left, and some with restricted back rooms where they rent porn).
As long as a place doesn’t just sell restricted things (a Bar and Grill sells alcohol, but it also sells food, the book and movie examples above) you don’t have to be over the legal age to go there, you just have to be over the legal age to buy restricted things (porn (18) alcohol (21)). On websites, that means you can sign up at 13, but the websites may also host adult material that’s inappropriate and should be restricted from you.
On websites like Deviant Art you can join at 13, but only see mature content at 18. AO3 gives you content warnings and you have to click through, consenting to see mature content to view it. (At 13, while it may be natural to want to explore sexual desires via porn, you’re not mature enough for mature content and shouldn’t be looking it).
Here on Tumblr, you can join at 13 but you MUST keep Safe Mode Turned on and not looks at NSFW (18+ content). ”Safe Mode is on by default for new users, and it’s always on for anyone whose age we have calculated to be under 18.”
Is sensitive content allowed on Tumblr?
You can post whatever you want on your Tumblr, as long as it is lawful and follows our Community Guidelines and Terms of Service.
What is “sensitive content?”
Anything that might not be suitable for some members of the Tumblr community. As an example, nudity, including in an artistic, educational, or photojournalistic context, may be considered sensitive.I post stuff that might be considered sensitive. What should I do?
One way you can help us—and the Tumblr community—is by flagging your sensitive posts. There’s a switch in your post settings (under “More options” in the app, and under the gear icon on the web) to do just that.So if you’re under 18, keep safe mode turned on and that should filter out most material that isn’t appropriate and if something isn’t tagged, just flag it.
Now you might be asking, if people under 18, indeed as young as 13 are allowed to join websites like Tumblr or AO3 shouldn’t it be the responsibility of adults not to post anything that’s not appropriate for 13 year olds?
Well, as I explained above: 13 is the age you’re legally allowed to go online and join any website you want as long as it’s not only age restricted material (porn, alcohol).
You’re not allowed on Tumblr, or facebook or AO3 or any website at 13 because that website was meant for 13 year olds and should only contain content for teens.
You’re allowed on these websites because 13 is the age you can legally consent to join a website.
So just as you can drive anywhere at 16, that doesn’t mean your town can only include things suitable for a 16 year old.
It’s a long held principle of American law and values that adults have a right to free speech and expression and we cannot “reduce the adult population … to reading only what is fit for children.” (see more here).
It’s not the responsibility of every adult to keep every place and everything that exists in the world fit for children. Adults are allowed to have R rated movies and 18 + rated manga or magazines because as an adult you have the freedom to look at things that wouldn’t have been appropriate when you were younger.
Children, on the other hand, shouldn’t be allowed to watch R rated movies (looking at you parents who took little kids to see Deadpool) and aren’t allowed to on their own and can’t legally look at adult content.
Online, children under 13 can’t sign up for a website without parental consent, and are limited to kid safe spaces.
At 13, the government has decided your privacy rights no longer need legal protection (because Facebook would let everyone use Facebook if they could, because they make money by selling your data – yeah, the age to use the internet is 13 rather than 16 (like driving, which would be more sensible, we don’t let 13 year olds go places alone IRL,, why should online be any different) because of Corporate Greed and companies wanting to profit from teen data and dollars) and you can consent to use the internet.
That means you have a responsibility to be careful online. To follow rules, which include keeping safe mode on and not clicking past warnings for mature content (or lying about your age to do so).
“You Can Join at 13” means you’re allowed to visit this website, not that everything on the website will be appropriate for 13 year olds. The things that aren’t should be behind behaviors (Safe Mode, mature Content Warnings etc). If you see adult content that’s not flagged, flag it and encourage people to use tags and ratings so you can curate your own experience.
At 13 you’ve been given the right to use the internet without parental consent and with that power comes the responsibility to follow rules and protect yourself. Because strangers aren’t your parents, it’s not their job to babysit you and the internet as a whole is not just for 13 year olds (even though at 13 you’re allowed to sign up for websites and go online).
If you’re not old enough or mature enough to be on tumblr, or any social media, don’t feel you have to be. There are web sites and apps that don’t allow any content that’s not ok for kids and those websites are moderated for your protection and comfort.
If you want the freedom and privacy to go online without your parents seeing and approving everything you do and to still be safe, you have to learn to manage risks.
I wish that the internet was more like driving. That you had to be 16 and do a class that teaches you how to safely go online before you get that freedom. Since instead we’re thrown into the online world at 13, it’s important to take the time to think about what you can do to be safe and happy online.
i don’t have anything that interesting but i started shipping a new thing because it’s terrible in canon and unhealthy for both people and i live for that stuff (also it has LOTS of bdsm kink potential) but all the shippers like it fluffy with slow burn enemy to lovers themes and it’s so frustrating. if you want a cute ship, ship something cute. it’s a garbage ship and a garbage relationship. that’s the entire appeal! why change it?
Erm, idk, pal. I mean I get you. but I also kinda get the impulse. Like when the characters are suffering in canon, but you just want them to be happy, damn it! I mean Captive Prince for instance, in the source material the relationship is hard and angsty and full of sorrow and regret over the past and the characters suffer, but the entire fandom is just full of fluffy aus. It’s kind of annoying, cause I like my angst, but I also get why people do it. 😀
Yeah, like look at what happened when Free! And SNK came out the same summer.
The SNK fandom wanted fluffy AUs (to such an extent that there’s now an official Jr High School AU manga).
Meanwhile the Free! Fandom was full of more angyst AUs. Sometimes, fanfiction is about giving the characters scenarios they don’t get in canon.
We change it to see what the characters would do in a different situation and because exploring possibilities and the path not taken is what fandom has always been for.
I look at all these posts scolding “old” ppl for being into fandom and roll my eyes, do they think they’ll magically lose all their interests once they turn into Adults TM? Because tbh i and a lot of ppl i know got MORE into fandoms as we grew OLDER. like i think i discovered fanfics and stuff when i was in my teens but i wasn’t that into them, i only got into it later, at 18-19 and became an active contributor only recently in my 20s; I’m more into fandom now than i used to be. But too old, lol
of course, don’t you know??? the moment you get a degree, you’re Done. you’ll just have to Work, Work, Work and Work and Pay The Bills and You Will Never Have Time For Having Fun because Fun Is Just For Kids And At Most College Students, and if you dare have a sentimental life or children WHEN WILL YOU EVER HAVE TIME FOR FANDOM WHEN YOUR LIFE IS GONNA BE 100% TAKEN BY YOUR DUTIES AS A WIFE AND A MOTHER? NEVER THAT’S WHEN!!! SAY GOODBYE TO ALL YOUR HOBBIES!!!!!!!!!!
….. noooo, that doesn’t sound like it’s just out of the fifties. fuck them. and like these idiots don’t realize that no you don’t lose interest in fandom just like that same as people into football don’t stop vouching for their team when they get older than fifteen and they need to go outside and stop policing other people’s interests. blergh. also sure as hell the contributions I make now are more quality than the ones I’d have made at fourteen but OF COURSE I HAVE TO GO AWAY BECAUSE I’M A HORRIBLE OLD PERSON – yeah fuck off I feel old just when I see them whining tbh
What always strikes me is the entitlement of it all. “Old people” are just good enough to put in all the work and money to ceate the source material, and yes, okay, they can read/watch that too. But fandom? Heavens forbid, that is just for young people, because … because … well BECAUSE WE SAY SO OMG EW OLD PPL OVER 25 YUCK!
I think I get it. I was there too, sitting up in the dark on the eve of my thirteenth birthday and letting the grief take me when midnight came. Because in my head thirteen meant some official end of childhood. It meant more responsibilities and no playtime. And it did in fact mean more chores, less leeway and a certain expected standard of behavior because “you’re not a little girl anymore.”
But not long after, an older cousin handed me a David Eddings book and I was blown away. I didn’t have to stop reading fairytales and stories about fantastic lands, there were stories like that for grownups. I never would have known going by my father’s collection of self-help books and ‘best sellers’. And then my mother made a joke in my presence of the sort my classmates and I hid behind books to say, keeping our voices low, out of adult hearing. I watched a scalextric tournament full of grown ass men get beaten by a little girl. My dad got on the floor to help us with erector sets, or Lego, and I didn’t cotton on for far too long that he wasn’t just being a good dad, he wanted to play with the shiny new toys too.
When you’re a certain age bracket of young and most of your adult contacts are people responsible for the care of you, all you may really see of them is the part that’s being responsible, the side that’s busy setting an example, cleaning the house, sweating over bills and putting food on the table. But that was never all there was. The same dirty jokes you’re sneaking to make, they’ve been maybe holding in until you’re asleep for over a decade already. You think your mother’s church group is a drag but after charity work is done they’ll spend the rest of the meeting dishing over that hot celebrity they’re all into, and play weird dress-up games at the annual tea party, LARPing without knowing. My grandmother and her neighbor sat crocheting doilies together each week and dissecting the living heck out of the new episode of Walker: Texas Ranger. Discourse without the Internet, in a fandom circle of two.
Fun doesn’t stop. Fandom doesn’t stop. You were just too young to be in a position to see it before, or recognize it if you did.
When you see headcanon discussions in full swing but don’t say anything because you don’t want to spoil your fic.
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