listen if you don’t understand how imagining something happening to a fictional character is different from imagining it happening to a real human being, I don’t know how to have a fucking conversation with you
it’s actually not different at all because your brain doesn’t know the difference between a real interaction and a made-up interaction! things that you imagine happening to you in-depth affect you just as much as it would if it actually happened
I genuinely cannot tell if you’re sincere and that worries me
I can’t think of anything more insulting than telling trauma survivors that the impact to their brain would have been exactly the same if they’d read a story about what happened instead of living through it
Your brain processes real events and imagination via different pathways, so actually it does know the difference. Your brain can play pretend. Maybe it’s time you learned too.
Keepers call *everyone* male and female, regardless of species. Our spouses pick this up. This can be a…bad thing when said spouse is reviewing video games, especially Japanese game franchises known for their over the top depiction of boob physics. Luckily I caught it in editing.
shut the fuck up and go play more titty games you fucking freak
I’m inclined to think you, personally, ARE a vapid cunt if that’s the way you react to a zookeeper sharing zookeeper life quirks, or even just people trying to have an actual conversation with you. Vitriol is NOT an appropriate response to honest questions. Insults are NOT an appropriate response to being given more information. Misplaced aggression is NOT social justice activism. Go work on yourself, you are not woke.
didnt know they meant zoo keepers and quite frankly i dont see why im suposed to like care but yeah get all worked up about a post i havent touched in like a month
You could have asked instead of dropping Internet trou. Activism requires dialogue. Learn to have a conversation.
Since BL and fujoshi discourse is the hot topic du jour, let’s talk a bit about gay stereotypes in Japanese manga and anime.
I’m seeing a worrying number of people not only saying that all BL and fujoshi promote homophobic stereotypes, but that BL is the primary or sole instigator of homophobia in Japanese society (excuse me, I choked on drink there).
For those who don’t know, Boy’s Love (BL) is a niche category of shoujo/josei manga that focuses on M/M relationships (commonly known in the west as “yaoi”, though that is a misnomer). It’s still frowned upon, both for being gay content and for being mainly romance aimed at women. The word “fujoshi” — used today to mean “female fan of BL” — even has seriously misogynistic origins.
So far, BL is published on specific magazines, and most anime adaptations are OVAs that aren’t aired on TV. Although it has a significant following, it’s definitely not popular enough to change the opinions on gay men of the entire anime fanbase, much less of Japanese society as a whole.
Homophobia in Japan has a long history, but one of the most impactful chapters was the Meiji Restoration (1867-68), when Japan’s isolationist foreign policy was abolished and rapid westernization began. Negative Christian views on homosexuality disseminated throughout the country and public opinion of practices such as nanshoku/wakashudou declined until they were practically criminalized and banned.
For reference, both BL and yuri had their origins more than a century later,
in the 1970’s-80’s.
I find that a lot of criticism of stereotyping in BL is, unsurprising, very US-centric. The thin, androgynous, pretty and emotionally sensitive characters of BL may coincidentally fit western gay stereotypes, but this type of character just represents an East Asian beauty standard for men. Guys who fit these bishounen and ikemen types are considered desirable by Japanese women and are generally assumed to be straight.
A handful of pretty boys from Touken Ranbu.
In the US, your idea of a stereotypical gay dude may be a metrosexual twink with a lisp and a limp wrist, but different countries have different stereotypes. In Japan, the appearance of イカホモ/イカニモ (“ikahomo” or “ikanimo”, a stereotypical gay man) is a heavy-set masculine guy with short haircut, strong face, and facial hair.
Sort of like the guys you see in geikomi, right?
Pin-ups by Jiraiya, long-time artist for G-men magazine.
But we’re talking about entertainment media, more specifically about animanga. We’ll get there soon.
Gay men in Japan are stereotyped by the general population as being camp, and using feminine clothes, language and pronouns. Those who present femininely are often referred to as オネエ (“onee”) because they use オネエ言葉 (“onee kotoba”, feminine speech), and may or may not identify as male. Many entertainers who are out use onee personas on TV to, well, entertain the audience. That may be the only exposure an average Japanese person has to a real-life openly gay or trans person.
As for fiction, media creators tend to fall back on archetypes based on prejudices for minority characters, and that includes gay men. A bit like how the US has the “fairy” archetype, Japan has the “okama”.
Now, オカマ (“okama”, lit. rice pot) is not a word used in polite conversation to refer to people. It’s a homophobic and transphobic slur, directed at people who fit the onee stereotype.
If you’re not a Japanese queer man or transfem individual, you shouldn’t direct it at anyone, period. Not even yourself. Although there are some who reclaim the term, it’s still largely considered derogatory and insulting.
Japanese media has an okama character archetype, which reflects how society thinks a gay man looks and acts. You may be surprised to hear that it’s not the willowy, androgynous bishounen of shoujo manga.
If you want to discuss BL, its associated culture and its relationship to queer culture in Japan including how Western fandom often misinterpret the context of it, this is a good read.
Keepers call *everyone* male and female, regardless of species. Our spouses pick this up. This can be a…bad thing when said spouse is reviewing video games, especially Japanese game franchises known for their over the top depiction of boob physics. Luckily I caught it in editing.
shut the fuck up and go play more titty games you fucking freak
I’m inclined to think you, personally, ARE a vapid cunt if that’s the way you react to a zookeeper sharing zookeeper life quirks, or even just people trying to have an actual conversation with you. Vitriol is NOT an appropriate response to honest questions. Insults are NOT an appropriate response to being given more information. Misplaced aggression is NOT social justice activism. Go work on yourself, you are not woke.
A woman who wants to divorce her husband of 40 years because she says their marriage is unhappy has lost her case in the supreme court.
Five justices upheld rulings by a family court and the court of appeal that Tini Owens must stay married to Hugh Owens.
Tini, who is in her late 60s, wants a divorce. She says her marriage to Hugh, who is in his 80s, is loveless and has broken down.
She says he has behaved unreasonably and that she should be allowed to end her marriage. Hugh, however, refuses to agree to a divorce and denies her allegations about his behaviour. He says that if their marriage has irretrievably broken down it is because she had an affair, or because she is “bored”.
so i know that tumblr is super focused on the usa and women’s rights over there, but this is really fucking important case in uk law
unlike the us, the uk doesn’t have no fault divorce. you have to have been married for at least one year before filing for divorce, and then you have to pick one of five grounds under which divorce is permitted
adultery – 14% of divorces, but only counts if you didn’t continue as a couple for six months afterwards, unless the affair is still ongoing or there’s more acts afterwards. fun fact, however – if you are in a civil partnership instead of a divorce, you can’t use this ground at all! really fucking shitty, am i right?
desertion – if your spouse left you for more than 2 years in the last 2 and a half, then this ground is usable. only 1% of divorces are under this ground, however
2 years separation – 27% of divorces, as it requires mutual agreement between the couple
5 years separation – 13% of divorces, this is what the court has told ms owens she has to use, and she can only file under this ground in 2020. this is used in cases when your partner objects to the divorce, shittily enough
unreasonable behaviour – 45% of divorces, and this is what ms owens used when she filed. to quote the government’s page on divorce, your spouse must have “behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with them”, with examples of abuse, violence, and drugs/alcoholism
(note – scotland has slightly different divorce law, as it changes the 2 years separation to 1, and the 5 years separation to 2. no much better, but a little)
and long story short… three different courts (the family court, the appeals court, and now the supreme court) have all declared the examples ms owens used to be insufficient
now, the president of the supreme court, lady hale, said she found this “very troubling”, and another judge said he was very reluctant to give this judgement, and my thoughts on that are….. eh
unlike the usa, judicial activism is generally a no-no, and so both the appeals court and the supreme court have said parliament would need to amend the 1973 matrimonal causes act, which laid out the grounds for modern divorces
which really needs to happen as the last time divorce law was updated was in 2004, when the government mandated that if a transgender person was to legally transition, they needed to divorce their partner before they were allowed to. which is its’ own entire bullshit, tbh, and has been repeatedly brought up as an example of how shitty the uk is wrt transgender rights
so yeah…. i’m pretty sure a campaign is going to start because of this case and the supreme court’s ruling, and i’d really appreciate it if non-uk people would raise awareness of this gigantic goddamn issue in our country
I had no idea that Britain didn’t have no-fault divorce. Good for them! No-fault divorce is pure evil, completely indefensible by any moral standard.
The causes that Britain allows for seem quite reasonable. If nothing else, they’re a little too lenient.
what the fuck is wrong with you?
A marriage is where you stand up in front of your family, friends, and (often) God to promise that you’re going to stick with this person for the rest of your life. Where I come from, adults keep their fucking promises.
There are legitimate reasons for divorce. Some of them are given above. But no-fault divorce is defined as divorce for no reason. It’s divorce because you got tired of being married. It’s divorce because you apparently aren’t an adult and can’t keep your fucking promises.
Keep your fucking promises.
It is good to keep one’s promises. But there is nothing good about keeping a ‘promise’ that is hurting you or other people. And there are lots and lots and lots of ways that being married can hurt you or someone else.
i mean just for starters- people change all the time. Sure, you can make a promise to someone, and mean to keep it- but in two years, or five years, or ten, they might not be that person anymore. They – or you- might be someone completely different. And if your plans for your life have completely changed, being married to someone who wants the exact opposite can hurt you both.
What if you married someone who didn’t realise they were gay/trans/asexual until later in life, and thus is the ‘wrong’ orientation for you now? It’s nobody’s fault that they made a promise that they turned out not to be able to keep- these things happen- but if you’re that fundamentally incompatible, is it really fair to force you to stay married to someone who can’t love you the way you want to be loved? Of course not. You both deserve to find someone who can be in the kind of relationship you need. And … imagine having to be separated for 2-5 years before you can really lookfor that kind of relationship, because you’re still technically ‘married’. Imagine meeting someone who could be the love of your life and having to navigate that situation.
What if you married someone who does not, under any circumstances, want children, and you realise later in life that you desperately, ardently do? Sure, you didn’t weren’t planning on having kids when you got married at 23, but people change. And again, this is no one’s fault- things happen. But if you have to wait 2-5 years, and, say- you’re a cis woman who wants biokids? You might run out of time before then. Is it really fair to force you not to have kids- or to force your spouse to have them- because you made a promise years ago? OFC not.
No-fault divorce isn’t ‘just’ for people who don’t want to be married anymore. There are times, put simply, that getting married was a mistake, and at the time you got married you could not have known that. Making that big of a promise without all the facts is like signing a contract where the fine print is covered in white-out. It’s much, much better to (amicably!) admit that you made a mistake and be able to move on with your life than to have to live with that mistake for the rest of your goddamn life.
But more important than that- there are so damn many forms of abuse that don’t leave a mark and aren’t easy to prove to a fucking judge. If your spouse has emotionally abused you for decades, for example- especially if they’ve isolated you from your friends and family- you can’t prove that they hurt you. So the divorce becomes a great big game of he said/she said.
And abusers are often charismatic and superficially charming- able to convince other people that you’re an insane shrew/evil bastard and that there’s Nothing Wrong Here At All. Worse, abusers are often able to convince their victims that no one will believe them. Sometimes, they’re even right.
Imagine for a second that your abusive partner is a cop and his buddies are all cops. Imagine trying to go through a court of law with the entire edifice of local law enforcement stacked against you, because they just know you as their buddy’s “crazy bitch” of a spouse. How easy do you think it’d be to prove that your spouse is behaving “unreasonably”?
And if you can’t prove it? If you’re going through hell before the divorce, and you can’t make the divorce happen? Imagine how hellish things will be afterwards, when your abuser decides to ‘punish’ you for making them look bad.
No-fault divorce mitigates all this crap, because you don’t have to ‘prove’ that you’re being abused. You can say ‘I don’t want to be married anymore’ and not be married anymore, without having to relive trauma in front of a judge or convince them that you’re not nuts when your abuser has spent years convincing you that you are. Sure, your ex might wind up taking everything you got because they’re a slimy charming abuser- but you’ll be out of there.
Listen. I’m sorry for cussing you out. But the situations above? All but one weren’t hypotheticals. These are things that have happened to my family members and loved ones. I have seen people I care about deal with abusive partners and how they’ve had to get a divorce just to get the fuck out of there. AndI was raised Mormon.Mormons don’t get divorced. If you’re Mormon, and you get divorced, it’s a stain on your character. Even if you get married again, you might be a pariah for years.
So these aren’t cases of ‘they just didn’t want to be married anymore’. These were matters of life and death. And divorce- specifically no-fault divorce, where they didn’t have to prove anything except that they didn’t want to be married to that ass anymore- saved their fucking lives.
You are… extremely lucky and naiive if you believe no-fault divorce is evil. I hope you never are in a position to need it.
You’re not wrong about the weightiness of a lot of these issues at all, they’re serious business.
And yet I still am actually even (in some ways) *more* anti-divorce than mailadreapta, because I believe divorce not merely to be undesirable but *impossible*. Marriage is kin to the water and the bloody bread.
Some of the issues you described would prevent the marriage from being called down in the first place. Though the potential for spurious ex-post-facto stuff is large. I should still desire to overcome them.
Others… I see that they could be handled by an “estranged spouses project” which I think could actually be much better positioned to deal with abuse than existing divorce law is.
And, well, that’s the big problem here – in the OP, the government is standing against the impossible, but it’s not really helping this couple much, it seems not to be able to. This must be better and indeed despite agreeing in principle this article really irritated me.
It really is my hope that future generations will look back on divorce the way we look back on blood sports.
Uhhhh, Hope? Not everyone’s in a polyamorous relationship with your deity. There are plenty of secular marriages out there that have nothing to do with grain products that aren’t safe for human consumption. You may find marriage a sacred sacrament, but not everyone does, and you have no right to come in and impose your idea of marriage on everyone else.
Also: for fuck’s sake, an “estranged spouse’s project” dealing with abusive partners is the literal worst idea. I’m. Honestly fucking speechless here because. That is not how abuse dynamics work.
Abusers, like I keep saying, are very very good at being charming and winning people outside the relationship to their side. They’re good at using things like ‘family therapy’ and ‘couples’ counselling’ and ‘meetings with the pastor’ to hurt their victims- to make the victim feel like they’re the one at fault and if they just tried a little harder they wouldn’t be being abused anymore. Trying to ‘reconcile’ abusers to their victims just gives them more ammunition.
I’drecommend reading Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That before you say anything else about abuse and divorce because you are seriously misinformed in ways that will get people hurt or killed.
“the actress for the Kim Possible movie looks too young!”
Do these people know what a 16 year old looks like or do they just assume all teenage girls have the face and body of a 25 year old victoria secret super model
what 16 year olds look like vs what y’all think 16 year olds look like
the Kim Possible movie, the She-Ra reboot and the Thundercats reboot are proof that if you make previously sexualized characters a little bit more respectable and age appropriate, horny grown men will have an uproar
Don’t you hate it when you see a post that is like “all ships are good ships, don’t send hate for people’s ships” and you’re like Yeah but then at the end it goes “but fuck off if you ship XYZ ships” hmmmmmmmmm okay nah
“All ships are good –except” “I’m pro-ship –except” “I’m anti-censorship –except” “I’m anti-thought crime –except” “Fiction is not reality –except”
Spouse was messing around with settings and changed ‘Alexa’ to ‘Computer’, though alas, no Majel Barrett voice option to make it complete. Got me wishing there was something like an ‘Angus the angry Scotsman’ option, so I could say, “Angus, set my alarm for 5am,” and then he’d say, “It’s set already, ya daft cunt.”
Ardwynna's Place 